I Turn To You
by Max2019
Summary: Sometimes you just have to depend on those you love...
1. Dependence

Dependence

Dependence

Disclaimer: Do I even have to write this?Anyways…the dealio is, I don't own "Dark Angel" – never have, never will.DA belongs to James Cameron, Fox, and God knows who else – but not me.There, I said it, k?

AN: Please be kind and review!I've written before but this is my first DA fic, so please review.Please, please, please.I'm begging, and I don't like to beg.

AN #2: This is an overview of some of my favourite M/L moments leading up to "Shorties in Love".If I get good feedback, I just might write a sequel or something. ***hint, hint, nudge, nudge, wink, wink***

I have never depended on anyone in my life, I have never really wanted to.At Manticore we were taught never to show any sign of weakness and dependence is a weakness – even Zack reinforced this notion."It's phony sentimentality, and it will get you killed, Max."I guess in some ways he's right, and I should listen to him, yeah?Maybe if I was a good little solider…

I remember sneaking into his penthouse late that night on a routine lift.Thanks to the clever folks at Manticore, we were designed to come and go undetected.So I let myself in through the skylight, grabbed the Bast, and left.That was the plan anyways.There was interference – no big dealio.Stealing isn't stealing with some ass-kickin', right?So I fought it out with some ex-cop.I put him under and then high-tailed it out of there…and then he came along…

Logan Cale – cyber-journalist, crusader, protector of all things that are good.Who would have thought that I'd break into Eyes Only's apartment?He pointed a gun at my face and asked, "You're a thief?"

"A girl's gotta make a living," I answered.

"Thank God," he said, smiling.At first I tried to ignore it, but there was something in that grin of his that got to me.So after a quick pro quo I dove out his window.No sense in sticking around to get caught by building security.I had enough things to deal with.I seriously didn't need more people on my ass.

I got home that night, minus the Bast.I was a little pissed of course – I could've fenced that thing for a fortune – but it's all good.I crawled into bed after a quick glass of milk and tried to get some sleep.I may be a genetically-revved up female, but that doesn't mean that I have enough energy to stand Normal's incessant "Bip, bip bip".

I laid there, trying to shut my body down for the night.But every time I closed my eyes I saw Logan's face – his sapphire blue eyes, the spiky hair…that smile.I tried to purge that image from my memory, but I couldn't.There was just something about that smile.It was so sincere and made me feel warm all over.After a while, I just gave up trying to fight it.So I drifted off to sleep…thinking about Logan.

That's how it all started I guess.Actually, it started when he got half his ass blown off…but we won't go there.What can I say?I may be a bona fide trained killing machine, but I have a heart too.He asked me to help him that day to amp up security but I turned him down flat, to save my own skin.If I was there that day to help him with Lauren and Sophie, he wouldn't be stuck in that wheelchair.It was my fault.So I tried to make it up to him by becoming his legs.That's how it really started.

Logan would page me whenever he needed something.I did as he asked and in return he helped me find my sibs.The routine for a while was he would page me for a job, I'd do it, and then go back to his place to tell him how it went.Most of the time he would have dinner all ready and who could possibly resist a Logan Cale culinary miracle?I mean, the man's a God when it comes to food.Me, I can barely boil water.So I would stay for dinner and sometimes we would play chess after.I'd even let him win – wouldn't want to bruise that delicate ego of his.

Over time, the dinners became more frequent and the late night chess games turned into mind-probing chat sessions.During the day, I would find myself willing my pager to go off just to hear his voice and sometimes he would call just to say "hi".At night, I would pass hanging out with Original Cindy and the Jam Pony crew to go to Logan's.Hey, his crib oversees the entire city!It beats having to climb a million stairs to get to the top of the Space Needle.

I remember once when my seizures were so bad (thanks to my messed-up genetics) that not even the Tryptophan worked.I stopped by Logan's place for dinner that night and there was a brownout.Of course, my freak show of a body wouldn't cooperate with me and I had to lay down.So there I was, a total lemon sprawled on Logan's leather sofa."Stay with me," I pleaded.

"I'm right here," he assured me in that soothing caretaker tone of his.I just smiled and closed my eyes as he stroked my face gently.He had that effect on me; just by being there, he would make me feel better.Geez, how sappy am I?He took care of me that night even when he didn't have to.He tucked me under the covers in his room and brought me warm milk with honey.He wrapped me in blankets and held my hand through the night, making sure that I was all right.Now that I think about it, he didn't get any sleep that night.

The day when I had to leave him was the worst of all.Good ol' Deck was on my tail again, forcing me to haul ass to Canada.You'd think with an army of commandos they would be able to catch me after cornering me on South Market.Anyways, after a quick game of "Escape and Evade," I was sitting in Logan's car en route to his uncle's cabin where I would hide out for the night with Zack before crossing the border to Canada.Logan put on Sibelius in the car – Valse Triste to be exact.It didn't faze me one bit that Logan was the classical music type, I mean, the guy spends most of his time sitting in front of his computer.The music was sad, just like the mood.I didn't want to leave and I wouldn't have if he had asked me to stay.But he didn't."I'll miss you," he told me.

"You could always ditch it all and go on the lam with me.Great way to visit exotic places, meet new people," I suggested thoughtfully.

"I'd just slow you down..."

"It's okay," I softly assured.

"…I have to go back…someone has to watch out for the downtrodden.Blah, blah, woof, woof, right?"

"Right," I answered, avoiding his eyes.I didn't want him to see the hurt in my eyes.I never like showing my vulnerable side and I wasn't about to start.

"Take care of yourself."

"You too," I said quickly and got out of the Aztek.I looked straight ahead and walked away – away from my life…away from Logan.But I just couldn't quite make it all the way.Even with all of the focus techniques Manticore planted in my head, I couldn't just walk away – I'm still part human after all.So I turned back and kissed him.I grabbed his head and pulled him in.He ran his hands through my hair.I kissed him like there was no tomorrow – full of longing and lust.I've got to give major props to Kendra.She's right, kisses are better when you share it with someone you love.

Love?What the heck am I talking about?I mean, how can someone ever be in love with me?I'm a genetically enhanced killing machine, bred to kill quickly, efficiently, and happily.Who in their right mind would want me?I'd only get them killed.I live life constantly on the run, always looking behind my shoulder.I've got too much baggage – Lydecker and his G.I. Joes are always looking for the opportunity to chopper me back to Manticore.

I'm trouble.I know it.I almost got my best friend killed once.Some guy from South Africa decided he wanted a perfect soldier.Gee, I think I should set him up with Deck, they would hit it off so well.So he came here with some of his soldier boys, the Red Series, to hunt me down so he can perfect his prototype.He wanted me to play mommy to a whole army of those guys.The Reds tailed Original Cindy to get to me, so I laid a smackdown on their asses.But the Reds were only a warning sign.I know they are still looking for me, I can feel it.Call it feline intuition, or whatever.I know that they won't stop until I'm either back at Manticore, or dead.And that's why I can't get close to anyone.But it's already too late.

Logan has put his ass on the line for me a million times, risking his neck to save this little life of mine.He distracted Lydecker and his commando boys when I went to get Hannah from Sedro Island.He helped bust my ass out of jail when I got caught stealing Tryptophan from Metro Medical.He traded himself for a bunch of hostages, (myself included) when some crazed terrorist named Darius held the genetics conference hostage.He even performed amateur brain surgery on me to remove a nanochip from my cerebellum before I stroked out from a neuro-chemical overload when I went up against the Reds.God knows with his condition, the Reds could easily snap him in two.He even defended my honor in Cape Haven and saved my genetically revved up ass from BC and his friends.It's good to know that when the superhero is busy that the sidekick is ready to step in.

Is Logan really just a sidekick?Before him I was just trying to be a normal girl, scraping by on meager paychecks and kickin' it with my peeps, but now it's different.I'm part of Logan Cale Brigade for the Defense of Widows, Small Children, and Lost Animals.I've become Logan's partner, confidante, friend.Of course I would never say this to him, but Logan's one of those people that you just can't not think about, care about.He gets to you, no matter how much you try to fight it.Zack told me to get my ass out of Seattle, but did I listen to him?Hell no.This isn't Manticore and Zack's not my CO anymore.Besides, I can't leave Logan high and dry after all he's done for me.

_Forever eyes.Dark.Somebody's angel._Whatever.I never thought that Logan would actually write about me, let alone allow me to read one of his poems.I mean, the guy got all over-protective and defensive when I found out he wrote poetry.But I'm glad that he let me because now I know that even if someone wants to cage me or put a bullet in my head, that I'll still live on because of these words.So Lydecker, you can kiss my genetically engineered ass.Your perfect little soldier's developed a heart.

I remember Logan saying once, "It's worth noting, while you're right – my mission is saving the world – it doesn't mean that I don't worry about you."That honesty caught me off guard.But of course my automatic Manticore wit kicked in and I fired off some smart-ass comment something along the lines of worry accomplishes nothing, but that it's good to know that he thinks of me as more than his own private cat burglar.He nudged my back and confirmed, "Way more."I couldn't help but smile.Because of all the times he has been there for me and especially after that conversation I know that he'll help me through this bitch called life.Thank you Logan.

I never thought I'd see the day I would depend on someone.But now I guess I do.


	2. Reliance

Reliance

Reliance

Disclaimer: I hate having to insult everyone's intelligence but the dealio is, I don't own "Dark Angel" – never have, never will.DA belongs to Jim Cameron and his throng of geniuses.

AN: Thanks for all of the reviews for the last chapter! Sorry, it took so long to write this one.School…exams.I don't believe in exams.I mean, how can you possibly gage someone's intellect on a subject from one test?That's just so wrong.Ok…I'll stop rambling.Anyways, enjoy the story.Logan's so hard to write.The guy's a freakin' enigma – way too complex (I more like Max, so it's easier to write her).Hopefully, I'll get feedback?Yes, that is a plea.

AN#2: Ok…I used the same moments as "Dependence," but I'm exploring them through Logan's eyes, k?So a refresher…everything up until "Shorties in Love" is game. 

You'd think that a rich kid like me would run to mommy and daddy for everything right?Having people at my beck and call, you'd think that I've got it made.Well, I can't honestly say that you're entirely wrong.That's how my life was ten years ago.Like any blue-blooded teenager, I went to a well-respected college.I had friends, drove a nice car, and seemed to be quite popular with the ladies.I came home to a lavish mansion in the suburbs, where servants would wait on me hand and foot.But that's not how the song goes now.

You've probably heard it all before…loving parents died tragically in freak boating accident.Father left entire estate for only child, mother set up trust fund for said child.So that's how I survived…on my inheritance.When the world was going to hell in a hand basket, I had my tricked-out penthouse in the high-rise district of Seattle, a promising career in journalism, gourmet food on the table, and a supporting wife.I thought everything would turn out all right.But whom am I kidding?

Wife was a gold-digger, my articles ended up putting a price on my head, and the Seattle PD was comprised of a bunch of morons.Suffice to say, I wasn't exactly thrilled with how the cops handled my parents' case.I knew my parents were murdered in cold blood.After all, it was only a year after the Pulse and everyone – anyone – wanted money.And who could resist the money behind Cale Industries?Whoever killed my parents kept their eyes on the prize and never even thought of the repercussions.But that's okay because it was that incident that prompted me to start Eyes Only.The way I see it, if the cops were too blind to catch the murderers, I might as well give it a crack.What's the worse that could happen?

That's how Eyes Only came to be.After I went after those idiots who killed my parents, I went underground and started filing my stories there.I exposed scumbags and revealed just what kind of world we were living in.You'd be surprised at how disgustingly corrupt our government really is.I became more aware and more self-reliant, never letting myself depend on others, always putting them at arm's length.I became an underground cyber journalist, crusader.At least, that's what Max likes to call me, besides her meal ticket.

Max.The name itself is reason enough to wake up in the morning.How can I possibly describe her?I don't even know where to begin.All I know is that when I'm around her, my hands start to sweat, my heart races, and I get all tongue tied.And I am a man of words, so the fact that I can't even string together a proper sentence around her speaks volumes.She's great.She's smart – she can always outwit me.She's beautiful – I always lose myself in those chocolate-brown eyes.She's funny – even when the world is coming to an end, she can still manage put a smile on my face.She's a great friend and loyal to a fault.And I can't imagine life without her.She's everything.

I remember the first time I saw her – I caught her breaking into my house stealing my Bast."You have good taste," I commented."French, 1920s, a tribute to Chitarus."

"Whoever that is," she replied nonchalantly.

"Oh, so…what, you liked it 'cause it was shiny?"

"No, because it's the Egyptian goddess Bast, the goddess who comprehends all goddesses, eye of Ra, protector, avenger, destroyer…giver of life who lives forever."I was about to say something else, but I guess she heard the building security outside the door, and decided to make a quick exit through my window.As I watched her land easily on the ground, I knew at that moment that my life would never be the same again.There was just something about her.

So that's how Max and I started.Well actually, I was shot first, but that's not something I want to discuss right now.Basically, I guilt-tripped her into being my legs and from then on she became part of the Logan Cale Brigade for the Defense of Widows, Small Children, and Lost Animals.The deal was that she would help me and I would help her find her sibs.I would page her, she would come over, I would explain the bad guy of the week, and then she would go kick his (or her) ass.She would stop by after the assignments and we'd have dinner.Sometimes we would play chess.Of course she beat me every single time, which is so not fair. "Isn't it against the superhuman code to use your powers to take advantage of we mere mortals?" I teased her after her five-to-one victory one evening.I knew she let me win that one game.Wouldn't want to upset her meal ticket.

As time went on, Max made more frequent visits.She would just drop by for the sake of dropping by.I would find myself sitting in front of my computer, daydreaming about her when I should be doing Eyes Only work.I would restrain myself from blowing up her pager or calling her at work just to hear her voice.I would cook meals for two every night, just hoping that she would be there to eat them.I remember once when I just bit the bullet and invited her over for dinner.I spent the entire day thinking of what to make.It's not everyday that you invite your genetically revved up female friend over for a meal.I scoured the markets for just the right things to make one of my culinary miracles."You paged me?" she asked, walking through the door.

"I thought you might want to join me for dinner."

"I don't want to put you to any trouble."

"Well, it's nothing fancy.Just one of my run-of-the-mill, spur-of-the-moment culinary miracles," I said, smiling at her…and then the lights went out.Me, Max, alone, with no lights.You have no idea how many times I've dreamt about this.But thanks to the people at Manticore, she started shaking uncontrollably in obvious discomfort, and had to lie down on my couch.They sure know how to ruin a moment.She looked so vulnerable and helpless."What can I do?"

"Stay with me," she pleaded.

"I'm right here."

"You won't leave?"

"I'm not going anywhere."I caressed her face softly, as she closed her eyes trying to relax.I did whatever I could for her.I moved her into my room, and tucked her into my bed.I brought her warm milk with honey, a remedy that my mom always gave me that when I wasn't feeling too well.I wrapped her in blankets, and sat by her bed until dawn, holding her hand in mine.I made sure that she knew that she wasn't alone – that she had me.

The day that Max had to leave was almost unbearable.I felt like someone pulled out of heart, ripped it into two, threw it on the ground, and rolled over it with a MAC truck.But I knew that she couldn't stay.Lydecker was on her tail again, she had to leave with Zack to Canada.She had no choice.We listened to Sibelius' Valse Triste as we headed to my uncle's cabin.It was a sad song, which suited my mood perfectly.I wanted to ask her to stay, but that would be selfish.I had to let her go, for a thousand different reasons."I'll miss you," I told her softly.

"You could always ditch it all and go on the lam with me.Great way to visit exotic places, meet new people," she suggested hopefully.

"I'd just slow you down..."

"It's okay."

"…I have to go back…someone has to watch out for the downtrodden.Blah, blah, woof, woof, right?" I answered her, trying so hard to keep the tears forming in my eyes from falling.

"Right." I winced inwardly as I heard her reply.I could hear the sorrow in her voice and I mentally hit myself upside my head for having to have something to do with it.

"Take care of yourself."

"You too," she said got out.I watched her as she walked away from me, from what might have been, what could be.I repeated in my head over and over again that I was doing the right thing, letting her go.But somewhere inside me I knew I was making the biggest mistake of my life.Suddenly, amidst the battle raging inside my conscience, Max came up to the window.She grabbed me and kissed me.I kissed back – full of longing and lust – running my hands through her dark curls.I knew I had to make the best of it because I knew that the kiss was goodbye…I could feel it.I was kissing the love of my life for the first, and last, time.

Is she the love of my life?I mean, I thought I was in love with Valerie, and look how that turned out.Even if I did love her, how can Max ever love me back?Why would she want a fraction of a man, when she can have a suped-up superhero like Zack.Sometimes I wonder why Max sticks around anyways – this isn't her mission.Before me, she was just a regular girl, living off a small salary and hanging out with her friends.She never had to worry about saving the world and all.She had fun.She was safe.She wasn't risking her life for some stupid assignment.All of this Eyes Only stuff will just get her killed.And I know that I'll regret it for the rest of my life if I was the one responsible.

Max put her life on the line for me so many times.She jumped off a building to save me from being defenestrated by the May 22nd.She rescued me when Gerhardt Bronck held me hostage in some airstrip.She could have easily left me to fend for myself, but she didn't – she risked exposure and getting caught by Manticore just so I can live to see another day.She prevented me from putting a bullet through my head when I was depressed because my legs would never work again.She saved me from myself – she gave me a reason to wake up in the morning, she gave me a reason to go on.

I don't know exactly how or when it happened, but somewhere along the way our relationship changed.We are no longer business partners, like we both claim to be.We are more than that, and I know that somewhere in her heart, she knows it too.We're both just too scared to admit it.Bling once asked me, "You've got a thing for this girl, don't you?" to which I blatantly denied.If he asked me that again now, the answer would definitely be different.

_Forever eyes.Dark.Somebody's angel._That's how the poem I wrote about Max goes.Funny, now that I think about it, I haven't seen that one since I showed it to her.And that's exactly what she is – somebody's angel.Someday, hopefully mine.I remember saying to her, "It's worth noting, while you're right – my mission is saving the world – it doesn't mean that I don't worry about you."Her Manticore wit kicked in and she said something along the lines of worry accomplishes nothing, but that it's good to know that he thinks of me as more than his own private cat burglar.I nudged her gently and assured her, "Way more."Because of all the times she has been there for me and especially after that conversation I know that she can help me through this idealistic life of mine.Thank you Max.

I've never relied on anyone in my life…but I guess I do now.


End file.
